"The only limit to what I can do are my thoughts about what I am doing right now."
- Carolyn Mycue
My awakening happened on March 31, 2008 as I had just started
to read "A New Earth" for the third time. I had picked it up
in February and was intrigued, but conflicted by the likelihood
of it's applicability in "my" life. Still, as I finished it
the first time, I was left with a feeling I had missed something
important.
I read it again, then read "The Power Of
Now"...twice. I was also participating in the webcast that
Eckhart and Oprah were doing, and it was the day of the fourth
chapter, about five hours before the show was to begin. I
opened up "A New Earth" for the third time, and about three pages in I was
struck with such a profound insight.
Everything stopped, and inside myself I witnessed the
universe before there even was a universe. In a flash I then
witnessed the complete evolution of our planet from the moment of
the Big Bang right up to the very moment I was sitting there with
that book in my hand. I was blown away. All of a sudden I knew
that I was a part of that which created everything and that holds
everything in the highest love. I was filled with such intense
compassion and deep peace. I knew I had nothing to be afraid
of anymore, and in fact I never actually did. I knew that
everything I've ever experienced, all the illusive suffering and
depression and low self-worth, had all been gifts leading me to this
beautiful truth. I knew that without that darkness, I wouldn't have
been able to realize the absolute gift of light and life.
What I came to recognize as my primary internal purpose is to
awaken, and that has happened and is irreversible. From that
I've come to realize my primary external purpose is to be here first
as a guide for my two girls and help them on their way, and in the process to also try to help others who are
searching for these same answers within themselves. Outside of
those drives, I've been trying to just be open to inspirations that
will allow me to really do those things and learn to discern egoic
aspirations from spiritual inspirations.
The most unusual thing I've discovered about myself is my love of
words. I chose the field of accounting because I always found
numbers more comforting than language. I was so quiet, not
really feeling like anything I could add to a conversation would be
worthwhile. Since this experience, I write poetry and journal
insights and I've read more books in the last year than I have in my
entire adult life! I've had an inspiration to one day open a
spiritual bookstore where I can hold workshops and have an outlet
for the books I know I will write, and for me to imagine that I
could actually rise to such undertakings is something that before
would have been so foreign and daunting and quickly dispelled.